My grandmother warned me never to marry a barrister. According to her they are a “different kettle of fish.”! Their minds work logically and analytically which puts them in a distinct class of their own. I have been married to one for the past fifteen years and I wish I can tell my grandmother (who has long since passed) that I am glad I did not heed her advice. In all honesty I have to admit that though the journey has been one hell of a roller-coaster ride, I would not exchange it for another! For all you young girls out there, life with a barrister can be fun if you know how to balance the sacrifices made and enjoy the precious moments you spend with them arguing and then making up.
Here are some tips to help you enjoy being married to a barrister.
1. Understand the personality you have decided to spend your life with
The reason they become lawyers is because they possess the very traits that are required to help them win cases in court. When they go to law school, they learn to perfect their logical and reasoning skills. They learn to be skeptic and excel in being defensive. They are narcissists when they argue in court as they are supremely confident that they can win a case. These are the very traits that attracted you in the first place! Once you understand that this is the essence of being a good lawyer you will learn how to cope when they become argumentative or begin a sentence with “Assuming you are right….”
2. Lawyers like to be in control
Let them – but only in the courtroom. At home their thoughts are most likely centered on the court case that they are involved with and they may not be interested in your problems with the children or neighbors. Maintain control of running the home, tackling the problems children bring home and making peace with your neighbor. Your better half will not be in a position to help you on the home front and the only thing you can do is let off steam. If they are in the mood they will try to divert your mind by quipping about their day and trying to change the subject.
3. Barristers want evidence and proof to back any statements made
To maintain the peace, talk about things in general and get the lawyer to discuss the present political situation or the murder that has taken place in your local area. They are happiest when you back your theories with credible evidence. They will go through great pains to explain the reasoning and logic behind the workings of the government or why the crime could have been committed. That way you have a few precious moments with your loved one when they focus all their attention on you.
4. Plan your vacation with the family but prepare for disappointment when you have to take the kids on your own
Barristers work all the time and there is no guarantee that they can take off for a vacation for any given period of time. You are lucky if they are not called back within a few days of setting out. Mentally prepare yourself that you will be vacationing without your other half and you will be ecstatic when you find that the holiday was memorable with your loved one spending most of the time with you.
5. Barristers are less emotionally astute as they “think” more than they “feel”
These are cold hard facts that one has to accept in order to be able to live with one. Always be the one to accept that law is their mistress and you have to compete with a jealous one! Enjoy their company and pay attention when they speak. If you do not interrupt you will find them warming up to you naturally. Initiate the intimacy and your personal relationship will not suffer.
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